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Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Love or Friendship?

What if your closest friend fell in love with you? What if he or she wants a relationship more than a friendship you can only offer!!! What if no matter what you do, and no matter what he/she does, the only feelings that you can only offer to him/her is just friendship or an agape love and nothing else beyond that? What if he/she is someone who’s so in love with you and he/she will do everything just to win your heart? What if she/he so miserable and depress because of you? What if she/he asks you to avoid her/him and put you in his/her oblivion? And what if she/he doesn’t want you to be his/her friend anymore?

For you, just thinking about this situation really breaks your heart into pieces, it jeopardizes a long time friendship that you are keeping and treasuring for so long.

Isn’t so hard to accept that you are sacrificing your friendship just for a love that it is not mutual and one sided, well if yes, please check the letter that was sent to my friend by his close friend,

Ana ( not her real name):

Dear ________,

It was so hard for me to gather all the strength to tell the truth and reveal my true feelings, though it’s a cowardly act of writing these things rather than telling it to you personally but I believe that thru this I can able to truly express myself.

If you will notice, I’ve been running away from you for almost a month, I already asked myself not to engage and entertain these feelings anymore, but I guess you can’t teach your heart to follows what’s in your mind. Even you try so hard to dictate your heart and emotions; it just burst and explode out of nowhere. I can’t deny the fact that ever since we became friends I already loved you. Yes, you heard it right “I LOVE YOU ”, maybe it astounds you or might be, you knew it all along. I already accepted the fact that from the very start, you just see me as a friend only, and nothing beyond that. And whenever I asked you the possibility of being together, you just said “ It wont happen at all”. So I perceived that time that you are not in love with me, and it was only I, who was so in love with you desperately.

I’ve been very depressed these past 2 years to the point I was loosing hair, getting sick, and neglected my families and friends. My world was just revolving around you. I’ve tried to amused myself, keep myself busy, involved with someone else, and tried to suppress my feelings but none of these things work. None of them take me away from agony and misery or even give me a short while relief. Sad to say, I found myself still longing for you, still loving you every day, hour and minutes of my life. Whenever I try to rubbish all thoughts and even convince myself that you are just a waste of time and a worthless man, still the good memories that we’ve shared haunts me all the time, upon looking into your eyes, it melts me like a candle who’s slowly dying of your love and the warmest of your arms keep me off guard and vulnerable for eternity.
I’ve even jumped 5 different companies trying to look for contentment but I failed and it adds more misery in my life and I guess slowly destroyed myself. I don’t know what else to do, and for my sanity’s sake I have to stop these feelings and save myself. I’m really sorry but I need to be away from you, I want to start all over again without you. I want to be a strong person, and search for the strength to help me move on and it means that I have to get over you. Please help me to regain my confidence, be back to my own self again, and the only solution for that is to keep away from your shadows.

I’m really sorry, Thank you!!!



I replied to him, that if I was on his shoe I will write something like this to Ana:

Dear Ana,

“To be honest it’s very hard for me either that I cannot equally return all the love that you have given. I realized that the ultimate person that can hurt you the most is the same person you loved the most. Sorry if I caused you some pain, made your life miserable and put you into trouble. Sorry, but it was beyond my control, if only have the power over my feelings I will ask my heart to love you. If only I can bear all of your pains and miseries, I will take that away from you. And If only I can control my emotions I will definitely over-flowingly give it to you. A genuine friendship is the only thing that I can offer . Be sensitive about your feelings and be a great friend whom can share your tears and laughter are the least things that I can do for you. You are my friend, and you will always stay forever as my friend. I will give you enough time and space to search for yourself, regain all the strength that you will need, and to compose yourself again. Always remember I will never turn my back on you, whenever you feels that you are back into track, I’m always be where you left me.

Avoiding a person is not an answer for me or a solution to any of your problems. I do understand that disappearing from your eyes or ignoring my presence could help you to move on. But do you really think it will truly resolve your problem? How long do you have to keep yourself away from me? Does it truly help or will worsen more the situation? Just thinking about these things really break my heart into pieces, you are one of my treasured friends, and loosing you means loosing the precious gem that I valued for so long. Please understand that you have to let go of your feelings rather than letting me go out of your life. You don’t have to cast me away!!However I will accept that , if it’s the only solution just to relieve you from all these miseries, I will forcedly accept and understand it, but please don’t ask me to avoid you and trash out our friendship, coz I will not do it, I will not avoid you nor trash our friendship even you asked me to.

Remember that we always have an option, we always have a choice. Your miseries, depressions and failures are your choices, you chose these things to run into your life and eaten you up, if you’re going to ask me, all of these things are not a very good choice. Instead of taking these things negatively why don’t you divert it positively, why not these be the source of your strength, strength that you will use to continue fighting in this world. Please don’t be so hard on you; please help yourself as well, I will be here for you always and assure you that things will be the same for both of us.

I’ve had so many heartaches in the past, to the point that I was loosing myself as well, but I guess the most important lesson that I’ve gained from that experience is ACCEPTANCE. We just have to believe that someone meant for us, there’s someone who can return all the love we have given. There someone out there who is worth of your love .. You deserve someone better or more than I. You are a great lady, and you deserve a great man. You just have to believe that there is man destine for you. Sadly I’m not that person and If I will force myself to love you, certainly I will cause you more pains, miseries, and agony. And I don’t want to hurt you anymore. If I will do that, maybe I will not forgive myself ever. There was saying “Don’t look for love, love will find you when you least expect it”. I know someone will come along with God’s perfect time. If that will happen to you soon, I’m the first person who will be happy for you and believe that everything will flow smoothly and you’ll be forever happy.

Keep into your mind that happiness is also a choice, if we choose to stay happy despite all bad things we’ve experience then we can have a genuine and true happiness that we’re looking for so long. But if we dwell into the situation then we cannot move forward and even we work so hard for it, we can never find happiness coz we are still prisoner of our own dark shadows. You have the power to free yourself from tyranny of self destruction and loneliness. So please free yourself.

Sorry talaga, but I just want to assure you that you will never loose me as a friend, even you want me to stay away from you, I will not abandon you nor forsake you, I will always be your true friend forever, tandaan mo . I will give you all the time and space that you will need at sana kung Makita mo na yung sarili mo maisip mo pa rin ako na kaibigan mo!!! Sana pag natagpuan mo na yung kasagutan sa tanong mo maisip mo na di kita iniwan!! At kung nakabalik ka na sa sarili mo ,sana isipin mo na di ako nawala sa tabi mo. Tandaan mo na nasa likod mo lang ako umaalalay sa bawat lakad mo, at sinisigurado nasa tama kang landas, at pag naisipan mong lumingon asahan mo nandun pa rin ako para sa iyo at di umaalis sa likod mo.



1 comment:

Yanie's Ka-blags!!! said...

bakit hindi pwedeng maging kayo?

bakit ang daming kaek-ekan? naniniwala kasi ako na kung gusto, gusto! wala nang kiyeme kiyeme pa. dimo naman sure kung forever kayo, so why not give it a try?

hay naku...