SAYING SORRY

We hear this famous word more often and probably this is the most cliché word that people usually used and uttered. People have used this word in different occasions, scenarios and situations. They have made this word in a very profound definition, and applying it in different manners and behaviors. They kept on changing and changing its meaning at all times, making this word as the last resort of defense, forgiveness, resentment, fear and etc.

When I searched the word “Sorry” in the internet I found these definitions:
“Sorry can means an expression of contrition or an expression of sympathy for another’s suffering”

“Sorry-Grieved for the loss of some good; pained for some evil; feeling regret; — now generally used to express light grief or affliction, but formerly often used to express deeper feeling. “

Even the internet has different meanings of the word “Sorry” and different dictionaries have different definitions, too. There’s no exact definition of the word “Sorry”, and even with myself I don’t know how, where, when should I use that word.

Sometimes people used this word to stop the argument, using its meaning to prevent verbal battle. But saying “sorry” could mean different things, a way to be humbled or can be acknowledging his defeats/mistakes or probably to reversely win the argument.
Sorry could explain everything, a single word could mean hundred reasons. A word of defense that keeps yourself on guard but later on you will realize that it can guard you off and leave you behind.

Before, I thought that I would not ever used that word to someone I dearly love. But I have ran out of words to tell to that person “what happened”, all words just clogged inside my throat and I can’t utter any word except the word “Sorry”. No other words came out from my mouth apart from this powerful word, but through this I was able tell her almost everything. The word “Sorry” is enough for her to know everything - my feelings and emotions.

To be honest when I said those lines, it doubled the pain that I’m feeling during that cold night. Feeling of guilt and disappointments ran into my veins. I felt hopeless for the things that I’ve done, I was very hurt (perhaps more hurt than she was) coz I’m the one who‘d said the word” I’m sorry” and leaving myself in the midst of sadness, solitude, silence and darkness. From that day on, I told myself that I will never use that word again.

If I can say the word “Sorry”, am I prepared to hear that word as well?

This question disturbed my emotions so much, a question that made me cynical and anxious these past few days. I realized that this also the word I most feared off, a word that I would never want to hear. But I have no idea if I could avoid that certain time and instance, I’m clueless!!! I’m helpless!!!

I know time will come that she will tell me the word “Sorry”. “Sorry, I can’t fulfill my promise”. “Sorry I can’t longer wait for you”, Sorry…..” “Sorry……”. Dang!! It crushes me to death. I really don’t know if I’m just being pessimistic, or jumping to a negative possibility.But it’s my defense mechanism, I’m expecting the worst rather than seeing myself in the worst time of my life. If this word will come out from her mouth, a deep sigh will be my initial reaction. It will be a torture for me, like a knife that she will stabs directly to my heart, like a huge rock that she will drops over my head and a poison that will gradually kills me. If that day will come, I will be in denial to accept her bid of goodbye for eternity. If that time will happen I will be disillusions of the reality for eternal .If I will hear that word from her, I might curse the word “Sorry” FOREVER

I know, world is a balance of everything, you cannot have the good things in life because in reality bad things are just around in our life. They say you cannot have heaven if you don’t experience hell on this earth, a metaphoric sentence depicting that- before we experience complete happiness we should feel the pain and sorrow first. I don’t know if it’s true? But, if that’s proven, I don’t want to live in hell forever nor be a devil that may cause hell to someone. I don’t want it to happen, I don’t want to experience it anymore and I don’t want feel that way again.

Whenever we ask for something and we need certain answer. Does saying sorry can solve the problem? If we ask for a reason and we need specific explanation does saying “sorry” can rationalize and justify those reasons. Sorry could means anything; it’s like stating your side in the middle, an endless possibility, infinite reasons, and million explanations. Possibilities that may linger in our mind for a lifetime, reasons that may leave us cliffhanging from certain answer and explanations that has no clarity for certainty.

I hope the word ”Sorry” would means nothing, like a word without any definition, a word with no bearing and a word that is futile and senseless.

I hope definition of word “sorry” could change in a more positive definition. A word that will be sweet as the word “I love you”, a word that is so easy to accept, and a word that is so good to hear.

If that time would come, definitely the world will be full of happiness and joy. No need to experience hell on earth but a lifelong happiness will be primarily indulge.

If one day that people will inevitably say the word “Sorry” to me. I hope that they will tell me the meaning of it. If they are scared of hurting me by the truth that they will drop, I will understand it very well. Though it’s so hurtful and so hard to accept but I will appreciate it more rather than keeping me on the cliff of possibilities.

I know God will always be there for me!! He will never abandon me if I’m in the dark time of my life. Certainly, if I will ask God “Why?”, he will never say “Sorry my son”. If I will question God “What happen?” he will never use the word “Sorry” to me.

I’m sure that he will give me all the definite answers I want. He will help me not only to know the reasons, explanations, and the possibilities but rather He will provide me solution for everything and the lifetime happiness that I’m looking for so long

I KNOW GOD WILL HELP ME ALWAYS!!!

Thank you for your time.